RULES FOR THE EMERGENCY ROOM /AUTHOR UNKNOWN
1) When you present to the triage nurse do NOT tell him/her that your doctor called ahead. If you survey the waiting room, probably 50% of the people waiting said the same thing the other 50% use the ER as their regular doctor.
2) Just because you have a phone and know how to call 911 we are NOT impressed by your arrival on an ambulance strtcher. You had BETTER be sick.
3) If you came escorted via EMS for multiple complaints that started more than one week ago and your entire family followed the ambulance to the hospital you will be labeled a pussy and treated like one. Enjoy the waiting area with your family.
4) If you have one of these 4 , go to your doctor in the morning; a migraine, the flu, a stomach virus, or a stuffy nose.
5) Do NOT ask us how long it will be. We don't know. I don't know what is coming thru my door 30 seconds from now....and I sure as HELL don't know when you are getting a room.
6) We have priorities. We understand you have been waiting in the waiting area for 2 hours. If you don't want to wait make a doctors appointment. The little old lady that just walked in looking OK to you is probably having a heart attack. THAT is why she goes first!
7) If your child has a fever, you had DAMN well better give it Tylenol BEFORE coming in
8) We know how many times you have been to the ER. We can usually tell if you are faking it during the first 5 seconds of talking to you. Do not lie to us.
9) If you want something be nice, I go out of my way to piss off rude people.
10) Our definition of sick is not your definition of sick. When we say sick we mean they are DYING/ having a massive MI or stroke or bleeding out or they've been SHOT
11) If you see people pushing a big cart down the hall at full speed and you hear bells/alarms going off... do NOT ask for a cup of coffee.... someone is dying you inconsiderate asshole. Sit down.. shut up... and let us work.
12) Physicians and nurses are NOT waiters. We are NOT customer service reps. This is not Mc Donalds and you may very well NOT have it your way. Our job is to save your life. If you want 2 pillows, a blanket, and the lights dimmed go to a Holiday Inn.
13) If you have stomach pain and ask for something to eat or drink you are NOT sick
14) If you are homeless do not ask for a bus ticket or a voucher... it just confuses the staff
15) Please don't bring in a" show and tell" If you have to fish it out of the toilet it's really not necessary to bring it in.. We will take your word for it. If you do bring it in you may NOT use my pen.
2) Just because you have a phone and know how to call 911 we are NOT impressed by your arrival on an ambulance strtcher. You had BETTER be sick.
3) If you came escorted via EMS for multiple complaints that started more than one week ago and your entire family followed the ambulance to the hospital you will be labeled a pussy and treated like one. Enjoy the waiting area with your family.
4) If you have one of these 4 , go to your doctor in the morning; a migraine, the flu, a stomach virus, or a stuffy nose.
5) Do NOT ask us how long it will be. We don't know. I don't know what is coming thru my door 30 seconds from now....and I sure as HELL don't know when you are getting a room.
6) We have priorities. We understand you have been waiting in the waiting area for 2 hours. If you don't want to wait make a doctors appointment. The little old lady that just walked in looking OK to you is probably having a heart attack. THAT is why she goes first!
7) If your child has a fever, you had DAMN well better give it Tylenol BEFORE coming in
8) We know how many times you have been to the ER. We can usually tell if you are faking it during the first 5 seconds of talking to you. Do not lie to us.
9) If you want something be nice, I go out of my way to piss off rude people.
10) Our definition of sick is not your definition of sick. When we say sick we mean they are DYING/ having a massive MI or stroke or bleeding out or they've been SHOT
11) If you see people pushing a big cart down the hall at full speed and you hear bells/alarms going off... do NOT ask for a cup of coffee.... someone is dying you inconsiderate asshole. Sit down.. shut up... and let us work.
12) Physicians and nurses are NOT waiters. We are NOT customer service reps. This is not Mc Donalds and you may very well NOT have it your way. Our job is to save your life. If you want 2 pillows, a blanket, and the lights dimmed go to a Holiday Inn.
13) If you have stomach pain and ask for something to eat or drink you are NOT sick
14) If you are homeless do not ask for a bus ticket or a voucher... it just confuses the staff
15) Please don't bring in a" show and tell" If you have to fish it out of the toilet it's really not necessary to bring it in.. We will take your word for it. If you do bring it in you may NOT use my pen.
posted by Diane Harrington @ 7:44 AM
2 Comments:
At 12:58 PM,
geekedout said…
that's hilarious!! i've heard you say similar things for the last 20 years. got any lines to add?
At 12:31 PM,
Diane Harrington said…
Yes
please pick a spokesman I do NOT have time to relay the same info to the 20 family members who trickle in one at a time.
if you are a man and I ask you what meds you are on please don't tell me to ask your wife, her ovaries do not make her responsible for your medication.
If you bring your child into the ER and tell me "little Brittany" does not like to take medication and I will have to hold her down, give up parenting now, if you cannot control a five year old you have no prayer of dealing with a teenager
If you tell the staff you need to be out in an hour because the Michigan game is on we will make sure you are not
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